HALTZMAN: Well, 10 years ago, the most common complaints that I heard had to do with people in the workplace. And that has entirely shifted, whereas the great percentage of people are getting into contact with me because their partner has been texting somebody, receiving emails, spending time messaging them on Facebook. It really has shifted how we meet people and secondarily, how we sustain connections with people after we’ve met. So I think it really has changed dramatically, even in the last 10 to 12 years.
And even if biologically, we’re attracted to somebody else, I don’t think that https://kissbridesdate.com/turkish-women/istanbul/ that’s an excuse for leaving that marriage and having a relationship with someone outside of it
MARTIN: One of the issues that you address in your book, that you say comes up often, is the argument that humans actually aren’t meant to be in monogamous relationships. The argument is that people used to die sooner than they do now, that people didn’t live as long, that there was – generally partners, you know, didn’t survive as long as they – women died in childbirth, men died in war – and that monogamy is kind of an impossible idea. What does your research say about that?
HALTZMAN: Well, you’re absolutely right. A lifetime commitment, if you married at the age of 15, was another 20 years. And now, a lifetime commitment, if you marry at the age of 25, may be 75 years. And – well, that’s being very hopeful that you’ll live to 100. But I think the bigger question is, so are we biologically inclined to have one particular partner for life? And only something like 5 percent of vertebrates and mammals are monogamous.
So there are whole host of reasons – and less risk of suicide, when people stay in married relationships
So it may well be that, if our philosophy is that we want to spread our DNA and maintain our species, the philosophy – we may, in fact, be designed to have multiple partners. But my point is – that to say you’re biologically inclined toward something is not the point. We’re biologically inclined to do a lot of things – walking around naked, peeing in our garden of our neighbor, even eating food off of someone else’s table when we go to a restaurant. But we don’t do those things because we’re part of a social organization.
MARTIN: Well, what is – do you have a values perspective on this of whether infidelity is just, by definition, harmful to marriage because there was some people – I think, in fact, we’ve heard from a number of people who said that they don’t think it is; in fact, a number of people have said that they think that their affairs, relationships outside of marriage, have actually strengthened their marriage. So can I just ask your point of view on this?
HALTZMAN: Well, I do take a pretty strong position. I take what I would call a pro-marriage position. I believe that we are elevated as humans, and as parts of a couple, to keep our promises and to work hard to maintain relationships. There’s a practical issue, which is that when you go from partner to partner, it may be a wonderful opportunity to have lots of great sexual experiences. But it erodes the capacity to have a deep and a fundamentally, you know, profound experience with one partner over the course of a lifetime.
So that – the idea of staying in a marriage may ultimately help improve not only your sex life, but we have lots of studies that show it improves your health, your general well-being, your standard of living, your overall income, your resistance to disease, your reduction in alcohol and substance abuse.